Unless you are a gangster with a penchant for metaphors, toys are usually something you play with during childhood. What happens to them when you grow up? Do they suddenly disappear? Do you give them away? Or do you simply stop playing with them without any encouragement from parents and loved ones? I never spared a thought to the toys of my childhood till today. I wondered as to whether there was a definite moment in time and space, when I had acknowledged to myself that these toys were of no use to me. Had I ever parted ways with them with a sense of regret or at least being all grown up? Or was I a callous player in my childhood who severed relations without the courtesy of a phone call, a note, a few moments of reflection or some other formalized set of actions? Yes, the truth stared at me in the face: I had used my toys and then dumped them without any thought or feeling.

This morning, I was at Toys’ R Us shopping for a toy for a young baby “0 plus” months of age. I had intended to dash into the store, make a quick purchase and exit. In my mind this visit would be like one to the Laundromat, only without all the tumbling and rolling.

Enter. Pay. Exit.

I would do all of the above devoid of emotion.

However, the visit to the store was a pleasant surprise. I ended up staying for well over an hour. I got to see many toys: some like the unbeatable LEGO were familiar faces, while others I had never seen in India. It got me thinking as to whether I had missed out on any toys by virtue of having been raised in a developing country. Was there a toy that lurked in one of these aisles, that if I had played with in my childhood, I would be a different person today?

I must say that the answer would be in the negative. You see, I was not a typical Indian child with only sub continental relatives. I had an uncle who used to work in Saudi Arabia. Every month the mailman used to bring an assortment of some of the world’s coolest toys from the land of oil and opulence. Hence, while other children played a lot of hide and seek, cricket and, Dabba I Spy all the time, I had to play these games only some of the time.

The earliest toy I can remember was from Sweden. It was a bear that my father had picked up from the airport in Stockholm. I got it during the Asiad Games that took place in India in 1982. The mascot for the games was Appu, a happy elephant with two outstretched arms. Naturally, I wanted to name our bear Appu, but even as a child I hated plagiarism. I flipped the vowels expertly and called the bear Oppu. Oppu was the only Albino in our family.

The second toy that I can remember was from Moscow. We placed it carefully on our shelf. It was more like a centerpiece, item really and not a toy. However, I spent many hours of my childhood playing with it. It was a wooden carving of a Russian Lady with a red nose. She opened up halfway (which is more than women do with me nowadays) and nestled inside her was another Russian with white skin and red nose. If you opened her up…get this…there was another woman inside her. This went on for a while and the women kept getting smaller. After you reached the smallest woman, you worked your way back till you got to the largest woman with white skin and red nose.

Then I grew up a little. And my uncle went to Saudi Arabia at the same time. He had really good taste in toys and every month my mind had something new to look forward to.

He sent us these really cool sketch pens. They were always neatly arranged. All the caps were of a different color. They were magic markers and unlike the Indian sketch pens which had narrow tips, these markers made broad strokes on paper. Today, I get them for free at my office and just like in childhood, I always take a moment to experience that sharp, incisive and invigorating smell that they emanate.

I have to make a special mention of the Brain. The Brain was a source of constant amazement to me. Even today, I could play with the Brain for hours. The Brain was this ultra obedient robot who could obey simple commands. If you said “Front 5 steps” the brain would do it without asking any questions. Then if you placed an obstacle to the left of the brain and said, “Left 3 steps,” the Brain, like the Light Brigade that rode boldly into the Valley of Death, would carry out your commands unflinchingly. Yes, I am proud to recall that I had a machine obeying my commands even in the 1980s, and one that acted 50 times better than Arnold Schwarzenegger.

One month I received a remote controlled Jeep. This Jeep had front and back door, all wheel drive, a button for an air conditioner and even a passenger – the works. Its corrugated tires made it especially great for the rough terrain around our apartment building. Like Moses, it used to go over rocks, stones and water with the same graceful ease. I have many joyful memories of crashing the jeep into the shins of pedestrians and then with an apologetic look saying “Sorry, really sorry.”

Today, when I was at Toys R Us, I saw many LEGO sets. I am not one for making categorical statements. Never. Not at all. But I will say that if only 50% of the world’s population-and not all of it-is perpetually pissed off, the credit has to go to Lego toys. If somehow you belong to the angry half of the world, who has never had a Lego toy, the concept is very simple. You fit individual blocks one over each other, till you get a completed object like a tank, a car or even a man. It is like building a house, except that your clothes don’t get dirty. The blocks are made of plastic and even taste good when you chew on them. I remember there used to be this advertisement in Archie Comics which showed an action figure of a US Marines Soldier complete with Lego fitting. I spent a large portion of my childhood wishing for that piece to complete my tank.

These are the toys that I can remember playing with clearly. I don’t remember ceasing to play with them. I guess it just happened along the way.

If you are buying toys for someone this holiday season, I would like to offer a few words of advice. Toys ‘R US is a very impressive establishment and sells many toys that are capable of generating joyful memories. However, like in the cereal section of a grocery shop, there is a surplus, most of which is lacking in quality and imagination. Many of these inferior toys are tragically placed in the Imaginarium.

You have to be choosy and if you exhibit persistence and dig around there is a lot of good stuff. There are Jedi light sabers. There is always Lego. And there is a Magical Set (Fellow Magicians never tell) with fifteen magic tricks. These are really nice toys for most children. In fact, I don’t know why I exhibited restraint and abstained from getting myself a light saber or a magic set. It just seemed very inappropriate to me at the time.

What did I get for the young baby? I must admit that I found it very difficult to select a good toy. When it comes to children, I have always envisioned myself as the sort of elderly person who would give a boy his first baseball bat or a girl her first L’Oreal Hair Gel. I want to be the good uncle who helps shape your personality. The man who introduces you to eating meat or teaches you to drink responsibly.

However, this was a different ball game. Buying a toy for a young baby was a novel concept and I must admit that my imagination failed me completely, as I tried to understand a baby’s wants and needs. I imagined a young baby in a crib. What would make it happy? He could look up at Winnie the Pooh and Friends revolving round and round, but wouldn’t that get tiring after a while? I looked at them for ten seconds, and I know that I had had enough. There was a toy that rewarded a baby pressing it by playing a sound. I tried operating it and discovered that one had to press quite hard for it to play “Do” or “Re”. This was a great gift for Pavlov’s dog. It was definitely not suited for a human child. There was a video cassette of Dr. Seuss’ brilliant Cat in the Hat. I thought about it real hard while circling some M&M’s, but did not buy it because:

I settled for a play aquarium with fishes swimming around. It has bright lights and waves. It comes with three options:

It is a nice toy and hopefully suitable for the baby.