There is a saying, "Whenever a criminal commits a crime, he is sure to shiver. For he will close his eyes and think about Inspector Vinod, who with his stupendous knowledge of world history is surely on his trail."

It was a sunny day in Los Angeles.

A day just like any other day.

Barbara Streissand was sitting at a Starbucks joint in Manhattan Beach. She was looking concerned. For her companion, who was normally a man who held himself together, was now sighing deeply into a hot Cappuccino.

"What's the matter Inspector?" she asked. "Wasn't I good?"

Inspector Vinod smiled wistfully. A small smile, whose curves barely touched the edges of his moustache.

"Oh you were excellent Barbara. The high pitches, the screams of pleasure. I always knew that you were an excellent singer and your performance at the Shine today ranks among your best."

"Then what is the problem? You look sad. Is your coffee alright?"

"Yes, yes, the beans are powdered just fine. The milk is frothy, just the way I like it. And these little wisps of curvy steam," Inspector Vinod pointed, "look almost ethereal."

"Well, enough about me," he said. "What are you having?"

"Iced coffee." Ms. Streisand giggled for, as far as Inspector Vinod could see, no apparent reason.

Inspector Vinod frowned. He was of the opinion that by drinking this concoction, Ms. Streisand was doing a disservice both to the ice and the coffee.

"That look again! What's up Inspector? Come on, out with it." She nearly added "my dear", but held back. Her mother had told her that people with deep tans, black sunglasses, dark moustaches and swarthy undertones are not to be addressed in such terms.

"Ok, Ok. I shall tell you what's on my mind. It is fall Barbara…."

"And?"

"The heart yearns for a lost love."

Ms. Streisand nodded and mentally jotted down these words for use in her next song.

"I have had my share of women…." Inspector Vinod paused to cough, even though there was nothing wrong with his throat. He was just a person, who believed strongly in decorum.

"Oh! I know! Without a doubt…" Ms. Streisand recalled as to how she had nearly cancelled her subscription to People magazine, when they had chosen Harrison Ford over Inspector Vinod as the world's sexiest man.

"However, of all the women, one stands out in my memory. Her name was Theresa. She had a clear conscience, and for that reason could look me straight in the eye. Other women couldn't stay with me for very long."

"Why?"

"Well, there are only so many times you can make love to a person who is wearing dark sunglasses. I understand that it can get very trying. They left me, one by one."

Ms. Streisand patted Inspector Vinod's hands sympathetically, as she felt for him. She couldn't even blame the other women. Even though the Inspector was a good friend, she had actually never seen beyond those sunglasses. She believed very strongly in all the dark rumors that went on about her, and could never muster up the requisite confidence.

"Well, Theresa had never committed an evil deed. Ants, cockroaches and flies roamed constantly around her at ease, feeling sure that she would do them no harm."

"She sounds beautiful".

Inspector Vinod nodded. "I met her on a sunny day like this in Los Angeles. Santa Monica beach. She was from Indonesia. Did you know that Indonesia was made up of over 13,000 islands?"

"No," admitted Ms. Streisand.

"Well you should," Inspector Vinod rebuked her gently. "Anyways, she was the most beautiful woman I had seen. Tall, thin, long black hair, a wheatish complexion…"

"I too have an inferiority complexion," Ms. Streisand interrupted.

Inspector Vinod ignored her.

"A wheatish complexion and a beautiful smile. We were in love and fulfilled each other's needs. If I ever ran out of tomato, while eating my salad, she would know exactly which aisle in so and so store was carrying a special on that particular type of tomato."

"How long were you together?"

"One year. We had a wonderful time. She had a generous and kind brother Daniel, who would drop in occasionally. He was the nicest guy and distributed sweets to all the children on the beach. We were all very happy. Then one day, last month Theresa disappeared. I never saw her again."

"Were you surprised?"

"Oh…very. Her sudden disappearance puzzled me to a great degree. I made discreet enquiries at the consulate and tried to apply my stupendous knowledge of world history in an effort to track her down. All to no avail. Then I received a letter from her, just two days ago."

Inspector Vinod removed a piece of paper from his jacket. He smoothened out the edges carefully and put a paper napkin on the table, over which he placed the letter.

"What does it say?"

"As you can see it is written in Tetum and not Indonesian. She was from East Timor! I could never tell. Wonder why she never told me this all along."

"She wrote to tell me that she had committed an evil act and as a result could never look into my eyes again. She was leaving me for that reason. Just like the rest of them."

"Oh…"

"As you can imagine, I was shattered. I could have flown down to Jakarta or Dili to track her down. But I didn't. It would never be the same. So I decided to stay put in America nursing a broken heart."

"The life of a detective with tip top knowledge of world history is a tough one," said Ms. Streisand.

Suddenly.

"Hey what's this?"

She removed a piece of paper with cello-tape on its backside. It was attached to the inside of the envelope.

"Inspector Vinod snatched the paper and looked at it. It said:

VOUBFU, EBOGDM CDMPOHT UP BJUBSBL.

It was torn at the edges.

"Oh my God Barbara. What a find! Can't you see that Theresa is far from blame. In fact, she is truly one of the noblest souls ever to grace this planet. I must go to the capital Dili and find her. "

"What, what!" said Barbara. She blinked slowly. Things were moving too fast for her.

"No time for explanations, Barbara. I must run. I shall give you a call, once I solve this mystery." He disappeared into the horizon.

The next month was agonizing for Ms. Streisand. Her dog bit her thrice. The President ordered her mansion to be bombed, just as soon as Saddam Hussain confessed to being a big fan of hers. And to boot, there was this mysterious matter of Inspector Vinod.

Then one day, her phone rang. She ran to it, hoping to speak to anyone, even a telemarketer. Lonely days. The caller ID machine had a map of the world on the display. She knew who it was.

"Inspector…"

He sounded different. Like there was a lump in his throat or something. "Barbara, I feel I owe you an apology. You were good enough to find that piece of paper that had eluded me somehow. If you would be kind enough to come down to the Starbucks on Manhattan Beach, I shall tell you all."

In fifteen minutes, Inspector Vinod and Ms. Streisand were huddled over warm glasses of chai and coffee respectively.

"Tell me all, Inspector. Where is Theresa?"

"She is in Dili, East Timor living happily. Let me tell you all Barbara."

"Call me Babs."

Inspector Vinod was too busy marshaling his thoughts to consider such entrepreneurial offers.

"Barbara, let us start at the very beginning. East Timor gained independence from Portugal in 1975. Indonesia invaded it 10 days later. Since then, its entire history has been characterized by bloodshed. Hundreds of thousands of lives have been lost in fighting. Then in August of this year, elections were scheduled to determine if the people wanted independence or not."

"Theresa disappeared in July…"

"Yes, her disappearance had to do with the elections. She had heard rumors that her brother Daniel was involved in Aitarak, a pro-Indonesian militant group that didn't want independence and that had threatened severe consequences if the country opted for secession from Indonesia. That piece of paper inside the envelope…"

"Yes I remember, had it got there by mistake?" asked Ms. Streisand.

"Theresa had slipped it in the envelope to hide it from the sight of people who look, think and talk different. Do you remember what that piece of paper said? It said 'VOUBFU, EBOGDM CDMPOHT UP BJUBSBL'"

Ms. Streisand looked puzzled, more so than ever.

"Come on Barbara. Weren't you ever in the scouts? Advance each letter by one."

"I need a pen and paper," she replied.

After fifteen minutes the following words were visible on a napkin.

'UNTAET, DANIEL BELONGS TO AITARAK."

"Aitarak being the terrorist group and UNTAET the United Nations Transitional Administration in East Timor."

"She was a snitch and gave her own brother away?" Ms. Streisand looked shocked.

"She gave her own brother away, so that her country which has been bleeding internally for hundreds of years could finally gain independence. She is a great, noble soul and I told her such when I tracked her down. She didn't do any wrong, just the opposite."

"Where is she now?"

"Happily married to the UNTAET official that rescued her and put her brother behind bars."

Ms. Streisand sighed. Inspector Vinod laughed in a forced manner.

"It is ok Barbara. Every dog has his day and God works in a mysterious way."

"That rhymed," said Ms. Streisand. "Should I sing a song?"

"No, let us walk into the sunset."

They walked together towards the red rays of the sun. God smiled down upon them through skies that were at once green, yellow, blue and even a touch of burgundy. Life sucked, thought Inspector Vinod. Though, he admitted, it was one hell of a sunset.

CIA World Factbook - East Timor

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